these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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