But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize