Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize