Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize