You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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