chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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