the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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