Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My vagina just recognized that song.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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