I must be too annoying 4 u.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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