Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She even gives head with a lisp.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize