is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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