He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize