I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize