why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize