I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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