It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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