I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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