Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize