my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
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you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There's even glitter on my cock...
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