Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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