yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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