and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize