we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
there was a trapeze. enough said
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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