see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
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Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
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Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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