I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
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i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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