Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
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Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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