Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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