i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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