Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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