Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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