you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
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So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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