I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just puked most of my soul out..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize