There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
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time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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