so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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