We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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