WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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