can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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