Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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