Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
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It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
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I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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