I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize