i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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