This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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