Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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