I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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