She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I want to fling myself into the sun
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