so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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