I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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