I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize