I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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