I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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