Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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